What’s Good Etiquette for Sharing Summer Intensive Audition Results?
Audition season is always a time of excitement and nervousness. When you get accepted into your dream school, you may want to share the happy news with everyone you know. But while you may feel on top of the world, one of your classmates may be feeling discouraged after getting turned down by the same program. Or maybe you learned you didn’t get into the intensive you wanted and are struggling while others celebrate their acceptances.
Zoe Betts, a Professional Division student at Pacific Northwest Ballet School, has been on both ends of the conversation. “Knowing how and when it is appropriate to share audition results is one of the most difficult things to navigate as a young dancer,” says Betts. “There’s nothing worse than accidentally hurting your friends’ feelings by sharing what you thought was good news.”
How can you talk about your audition results with friends and classmates in a tactful way? Knowing when and how much to say can be challenging, but an empathetic approach can help.
Discussing Results
Perhaps your entire class attended an audition together, and you’ve just learned that you got in. How should you proceed? “Thinking about it before you bring it up with friends is important,” says Deborah Wingert, who is co-artistic director and head of faculty of Manhattan Youth Ballet and on faculty at The Juilliard School. “Maybe check in [first] and say, ‘How did it go for you?’ ” Since auditioning can be a sensitive topic, be sure to do this in a private setting. “Always remember when sharing positive news, there is a flip side that is real and true,” Wingert adds.
Telling a friend that you were accepted into a program they were rejected from can feel awkward, says Betts. “Be honest, and give [them] space if they feel upset about it,” she continues. “In most cases, they’ll come around and be supportive in the end—some people just need time to process.”
“A little empathy goes a long way,” says Elizabeth Wright, chair of the Dance Department at South Carolina Governor’s School for the Arts and Humanities. “It’s usually best not to speculate on why some dancers were not accepted—just acknowledge the disappointment and the arbitrary nature of audition results. Next time, the roles might be reversed.”
In those cases, it’s natural to feel upset and even jealous of a friend who got into a program you were hoping for. Acknowledge these feelings, but also remember to be diplomatic and lead with kindness. “Well-wishing is important—it’s gracious,” says Wingert. She says it’s fine to tell a friend, “Hey, I’m having a rough time, but I’m really happy for you.”
Wright adds that you aren’t required to share your results—positive or negative. “If it’s too personal or uncomfortable, feel free to say you don’t want to talk about it.” Your classmates should respect that choice and be supportive, just as you support them.
Posting on Social Media
Most dancers post photos and updates on their dancing on social media, but what about summer audition results? Betts says to be careful: “The intention may be that you’re excited and really want to share it with your friends, but it can come across as bragging.”
“We tend to only share the programs we’ve gotten in to,” Wingert adds. “Yet people don’t know how many others you auditioned for and maybe didn’t get into.” She recommends sharing more of your own story to give perspective. “Consider saying ‘I’ve been auditioning for this program for three years,’ or ‘This has been a long-time goal of mine,’ to remind people that it’s all a journey.”
(Note that there’s a difference between being sincere and humble-bragging. Think about why you are posting your news publicly: Is it genuinely to share, or is it more about getting attention?)
While it’s important to be sensitive with summer audition results, sharing a job offer or your acceptance to a year-round pre-professional program is a bit different. “It is definitely okay to let your friends on social media know when you’re making a big life change or move,” says Betts. She adds that once you’ve decided which intensive to attend, it’s good to let people know. “Posting about how excited you are to go to New York or wherever you might be headed off to for the summer once it gets close is totally okay!”
Reading the Room—and Respecting Privacy
You can take steps to avoid hurting friends’ feelings. In particular, Wingert says, “be sensitive to anyone who is dealing with any sort of emotional difficulties, injuries, or self-confidence issues.” She adds: “If you and a friend were in the same audition, and the friend didn’t tell you [whether] they got in, I would probably keep it on the quiet.”
Similarly, says Betts, “if someone has just told you that they were rejected from a program, it’s probably not the right time to share your results.” Focus on listening and offering support, and wait until the news is a little less fresh (without waiting so long that your friend hears it from someone else).
Respecting a classmate’s privacy is crucial. “You wouldn’t want anyone telling other dancers that you got rejected from a school when you were feeling embarrassed or upset and simply wanted to confide in a friend,” says Betts. The same applies with good news they’d prefer to keep confidential, like a big scholarship.
Betts says an important part of being a dancer is lifting your classmates up. “Try not to judge yourself or others based on what summer course you do or don’t get into. You’re all on your own path.”
