Managing Homesickness at Your Summer Program

She battled such severe homesickness during the first 10 days that she debated leaving early, even though she was making friends and enjoying her classes. Luckily, an observant chaperone noticed her distress and counseled her through her complex feelings. “By the end of the program, I was begging to stay longer,” says Fagan, now 16. 

Being in a new environment for weeks on end can easily prompt strong yearnings for the comforts and familiarity of home: family, friends, pets, even meals and your own bed. While homesickness is perfectly normal, you don’t want those feelings to diminish what can be a valuable time to learn, improve, and have fun while bonding with your peers. Fortunately, there are also lots of ways to prevent it from overshadowing your summer.

You Aren’t the Only One

Speaking up about how you’re feeling is a key step towards overcoming homesickness, whether that’s by calling family, confiding in a friend, or, as Fagan did, turning to a counselor or chaperone. “Most kids who are experiencing homesickness won’t say anything,” says Colorado Ballet soloist Alexandra Wilson, the chaperone who helped Fagan through her rough time there.

Margaret Severin-Hansen, director of Carolina Ballet’s Ruth S. Shur Summer Intensive, says students struggling with homesickness can avoid feeling further isolated by engaging with people around them—instead of with their phones, texting with friends from school or their local studio. “We had a student who was sad because she felt left out here,” Severin-Hansen says. “But if you’re only communicating with friends from home, it can prevent you from opening up to those who are right in front of you.”

Sion Harrington, dean of student and alumni affairs at the School of American Ballet, adds that simply sharing the experience you’re having can help you connect with others. “Inevitably, you’ll find out you’re not the only one feeling this way,” he says, adding that a school’s residence-life staff is there to assist. “The more we know about what you’re going through, the more we can help you navigate those challenges.”

Identify the Root Cause

While some dancers simply miss their parents, homesickness is often a symptom of other issues. “Students may be embarrassed to admit they had a bad dance day, aren’t getting along with their roommate, don’t like the food options,” Wilson says. “You’re working so hard, learning so much, are overstimulated and taking care of yourself all the time. It’s a lot.”

Harrington says that when environmental factors (like disagreements with roommates on sleep schedules or cleanliness, for example) go unaddressed, the stress can show up as homesickness. “When those triggers are constantly being poked, the awareness of how uncomfortable you are in your everyday space rushes to surface,” he says. “All the norms of your life and the way you live get turned upside down, and all of a sudden you really miss home, your parents, and the things that make you comfortable.”

Adjusting to a new dance environment can be emotionally tough too. When she went to Boston Ballet School’s summer program at age 13, First State Ballet Theatre dancer Hailey Fairhurst longed for her dance studio back home just as much as she longed for her family. “I missed my teacher, my barre spot, even the music I was used to hearing,” says Fairhurst. “So I called my dance teacher and told her how I was feeling. She told me it would take getting used to, but that adapting to new things was part of training to be a professional dancer.”

Building Emotional Resilience

Just like the physical training you’re getting in your dance classes, being out of your comfort zone and navigating the responsibilities of being away from home are exercises in building emotional muscle. “Not only are you learning more about dance, you’re learning more about yourself,” says Fagan. “Getting through my rough summer felt like such an accomplishment. It’s hard to be away from home, but it’s important to step outside yourself and remember that someone is always there for you, even if your parents aren’t there.”

Tips for Dealing With Homesickness:

• Packing some familiar, nonessential items from home can offer emotional support during your intensive. Severin-Hansen suggests bringing your favorite pillow or stuffed animal, or even asking your family to send a care package with treats partway through. Things you can share with other students are great icebreakers, says Wilson. “Bring a fun game! Then everyone wants to hang out and play, and you automatically have that connection.”
• Setting a communication schedule with your family beforehand can give a reassuring sense of stability. “I designated times to call home, tell my family about my day and what I was doing,” says Fairhurst. “That definitely helped.”
• Early on, when everyone else is also new, try finding friends and connections beyond your immediate living space, says Harrington. “Get to know people on the floor above or below you, since those relationships will be harder to build later in the program but can be really beneficial when you need a break from your roommate.”
• Don’t be shy about turning to an RA or chaperone for ongoing support. Fagan relied on Wilson, who also became a mentor, throughout the intensive. “I felt like she was going to be there for me and it was all going to be fine,” Fagan says. “Whenever I was feeling down, she’d talk with me, give me a hug, and even come say goodnight later.”
• For most students, homesickness disappears during class times. Remembering the ultimate reason you’re at the intensive—to learn and improve—can be a welcome distraction when feeling down, and a good way to bond with your peers. “That’s the one thing you all have in common: ballet,” says Severin-Hansen. “Homesickness is so individual, but it’s really important to be able to fully experience your time away and fulfill the dreams of your summer course.”